Mila picked up the bug from her cousin, Ella, who picked it up from either her sister or brother who are school-age. Mila than kindly shared her germs with  Halmoni, (her Korean grandmother), and eventually passed it on to me. Oh what fun!

But the truly sad part of all of this is my poor baby. She gets to the point where she can’t breathe out of her nose, so with mouth open she can’t suck on her binky. It makes for some frequent wakings throughout the night that aren’t so pleasant. She’s not always so cranky, like you would think. It seems to be more of an annoyance than anything else, which is good (if she has to be sick at all). It’s just dragging on for so long and we can’t do much for the poor baby.

I wipe the snot off of her little nose, and kiss her all over her neck and face. It’s really no wonder I picked up her bug and I’m ok with that.

There’s a lot of ‘what if’s’ for me… My weight gain for starters. The fact that I had a c-section instead of a natural birth or the difficulties I faced breast feeding. All of which, I’m sure, will soon be the subject of a new blog post.

{by Michael Mitchell}

1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.

1. For my healthy, little baby girl and how we got to see 4 generations together this year.
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.2. For being invited with open arms into a wonderful family.

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3. For my dad’s happiness.

4. For my brother, who is the BEST uncle in the world, (yup, after a half hour of screaming, he walks in and Mila smiles)!

5. For my cousin, Kim; there’s so, so many thanks to list.

6. For the absolutely beautiful, loving, kind and compassionate people in my life.

7. For living almost 3 years without busting a single XBox item…or putting my husband up for sale on Craig’s List.

8. For my best friend I am proud to call my husband…and my baby daddy. He makes me laugh every day.

9. For a steady, challenging, satisfying j-o-b. And friendly co-workers and clients.

10. For my close-knit little family – especially those watching over us – and for my mom’s patience and my grandmother’s sarcasm.

And lastly, I am thankful for the person I have become and the mother I look forward to being.

Received this message today, which WordPress so nicely marked as spam:

I would name your blog the dreamland! While Santa knocks at our door just once per year, you blog is open the whole year – wow!

Oh, I so wish this was true.

hahahahahaha

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As soon as you think you’re done carrying an eight pound baby on the front of you, you realize you’ve been carrying a fifteen pound baby on the front of you.

Clean diaper, check. Belly full, check. Sleepy? Well, maybe that’s it…

Mila’s screaming bloody murder. Work has been stressful already. I feel guilty leaving her and for wondering what goes on when I’m not there. I’m a mess.

The return message I received from a friend is what broke me:

You will always wonder what goes on when you’re not there, and you will always want to be by her side. You’re not a mess, you’re a mom and you’re amazing!

That came from a dad of an eleven year-old. He’s been there; he can relate. And he helps me all the time.

That was my second day back and on the third, my boss threw the pressure at me like a ninety-seven mile per hour curve ball headed straight for that little spot between my eyes. I broke again. I guess it’s like breaking the seal: once you’ve let go, it’s a little easier to just crumble some more.  I left early that day and went straight home to be with my angel. I took a blanket outside and we enjoyed a beautiful autumn day.

Airplane Mila

We watched the bright yellow school buses drive by and the big white, fluffy clouds float along the brilliant blue sky. We listened to the birds and the planes flying high above us. We watched the yellow and red leaves fall and listened to the wind blow softly through the grass. My soul was refreshed. I felt close to my daughter again. I felt alive and confident.

I made it through the following two weeks incident free and strong. I’m able to bond with Mila despite my hours away, and I spend every moment I can with her. We’ve both learned a new routine and surprisingly I have gotten used to the early mornings easily.

If you’re a mom getting ready to go back to work after a long stay at home with your baby, just know this: it gets easier and you will get through it. Each of us finds our own way along that path – the one that works for both baby and mom.

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The morning of July 14, 2011 brought many anxieties. I was nervous and excited. My thoughts, that still echo to this day:

“This is the last day I will feel my baby inside of me. It’s bittersweet. There’s nothing closer, nothing more sacred. It makes me a little sad to say goodbye to this.”